is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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