I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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