all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
