First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
