I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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