Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
