Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I look better un-naked...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i out mim tonsoeep
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