eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
