So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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