You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
