so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
