I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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