had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
