My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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