you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
