I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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