she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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