I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's no shave November. This is our time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
