i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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