my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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