I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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