That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
