I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im holly from the hills drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
