at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
