Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
