Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
