sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
