i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's official drugs can't kill me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
