just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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