This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
