We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
