dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
