I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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