I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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