Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
