i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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