I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
