So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
