Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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