All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
