we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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