Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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