nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
