Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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