I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
