It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
