I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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