News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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