he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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