You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
