I can't watch pbs sober anymore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
