any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
