She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
