I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
