Please, let me fuck your mom
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
