I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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