no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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