you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
