I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
These tits shall not be calmed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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