You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
