I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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