Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
