Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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