Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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