Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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